What I learned in Al Anon

For a time, through a difficult space of time with a very dear loved one, I went to Al-Anon meetings.  I wanted somebody to tell me how to handle this.

But they wouldn't.

"We can only tell you our experiences, but cannot and will not tell you how to handle yours."

Over time, I began to understand.

1- Everybody and every situation is different.  

How one person responds may be very different from how another person responds.  That difference might be the difference between success or failure.

Over time, as I listened to stories, I realized that my loved one would have responded very differently and it would not have gone well.   It was only by taking a bit here and a bit there that I was able to figure out how to move forward with my life.

How it relates to my dx

You read a lot of "try this" and "try that."  Worse, you hear a lot of "you HAVE to..."

You read a lot of "you need to get off meds" and "meds are poison."  

Not every thing works for every person, and by trying to make the glass slipper fit every foot, it becomes an exercise in frustration.

2 - You have to "make it your own"

If you only go by what somebody else tells you is the way it has to be done, you never have the chance to "make it your own."

How it relates to my dx

You hear a lot of "you HAVE to..."

You know what?  That may be true.  But until I internalize that information, it's the will fighting against the desire.

The more I was told (or told myself) that I COULD NOT have something, the more I wanted it.  The more somebody else told me that there was something I HAD to do...the longer it took me to get to that point.

Now, as I relate to others, I help others find substitutes, work-arounds, etc.

I give them space to "make it their own."

3 - Baby steps count, too.

With my loved one, there were a lot of missteps.  Lost opportunities.

But a step forward is still a step forward.

How it relates to my dx

A step forward is still a step forward.  In myself, and in others.

Recognizing baby steps in others is worth celebrating.

They may not "get it" when they're told that the only right way is the way they're being told.

But if their steps are in the right direction, let's celebrate that.

1- What works for me may not work for others
2 - What works for others may not work for me
3 - Give others the space to figure it out in their own time
4 - Celebrate the baby steps.